I woke up this morning to news that the Coast Guard has been searching the Mississippi River for a man who went missing after swimming around Jax Brewery. He was swimming with a friend. The friend swam back to show, but the missing man decided to go out further. I truly hope they are able to find him safe down river somewhere but the outcome is looking grim.
I thought this would be a great time to share some Quick FaQs about the area that transplants may not be aware of that might help them in their takeover of New Orleans. This is obviously a bold species of human because never in my 30+ years of living on the hellmouth known as New Orleans have I ever looked at that river that looks like America’s toilet and smells like mermaid suffering and thought it’d be a great place for a swim. So for anyone just moving here and seduced by the brown waters of the Muddy Mississippi let’s share an important fact about that BODY of water.
Question: How deep is the Mississippi River at New Orleans?
Answer: The rivers deepest section is between Governor Nicholls Wharf and Algiers Point where it is 200 feet.
For out-of-town Governor Nicholls Wharf isn’t more than a couple of yards from where this man was swimming. No matter how calm those waters look please keep in mind that we are talking about 200 feet worth of different currents all headed toward the Gulf of Mexico at a speed of 3 miles per hour. For your own safety I recommend you not swim in the Mississippi River here in New Orleans. Just because our mayor kisses your ass and gives you special treatment doesn’t mean Mother Naychaw will.
And THAT’s one to Live on!
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